Heaven, Hell, Chemistry and Game Theory

There is no better cure for stress than laughter.
This is story someone sent me concerning heaven, hell and game theory.

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a
university chemistry exam.

The answer by one student was so profound that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.

So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate

at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to

Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the

different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions

state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong

to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number

of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because

Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in

Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are

added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which

souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase

until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in

Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my

Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and

take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be

true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen


The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over,

it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,

extinct…leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine

being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, “Oh my God.”



Lewis Harrison a bestselling author and writes
and speaks about stress management,
corporate chair massage, and massage
for events in NYC. He owns the Catskill Bed and Breakfast in Stamford, NY
He is also the owner of Catskill Bed and Breakfast and Spa


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